Assalamualaikum and hi!
To those who have known me since kindergarten, primary and secondary schooling days, most probably knew that I have speech problem. One minute I can speak fluently even I would be surprised of myself and the next it is as if my own little stutter fiesta has started.
I’ve had this problem since I was small, about 5 to 6 years old. I believe it was because I made fun of my neighbour who stuttered even worse than me but hey, I was a kid, you know how mean kids can be right?
Since then, I’m stuck with my inability to pronounce certain words that starts with ‘tr.. ‘, ‘br.. ‘, ‘cr… ‘, ‘a… ‘, etc. It was and still is hard, especially when I have to interact with people from different positions. Presentations were always a big headache for me and talking to my teachers were like a big boulder that no matter how I try, I couldn’t cross it.
I think my biggest worry is people making fun of me. A lot of them, even my close friends and relatives had done that hence opening up to someone new could take some time, a lot on some occasions.
Surprisingly my stuttering would completely stop whenever I sing. Those troublesome ‘br… ‘ nor ‘tr… ‘ would miraculously disappear and I could even rap like a bullet train yalls, this happens only when I sing so, I’m guessing this has to do with my psychology. “But how am I supposed to trick myself into speaking fluently?”
I’ve asked that question A LOT of times and the answer slowly revealed itself to me. Despite having stuttering problems, I willed myself to speak longer during presentations, I tried on different activities which required me to talk.
I didn’t succeed in everything. I broke down on the day of my sajak (poetry) competition because I couldn’t pronounce a word. I cried silently the day before my choral speaking competition because I couldn’t pronounce two words in my solo line. I felt as if my heart was ripped apart when a classmate of mine smirked when my mouth stuttered to pronounce something.
I know that despite how much I try, I’ll always have the fear of speaking in class, the fear if I want to participate in debates, the fear if I want to speak to new people.
Somehow, those are the things that keeps me going. One day, I want to be able to be on a stage and talk to tens and thousands of people. I want to be able to talk freely with everyone. I want to be able to live my life the way I’ve always wanted it, without fear.
One thing I’ve learned from being a stutterer with 13 years of experience is confidence is really really really important. How you walk, sit and carry yourself can tell a lot about you so don’t be sad if you stutter because you’ve got other important things to take care off.
Impress people with the way you carry yourself and you’d automatically attract people’s attention. If you’re good in Maths or Chemistry, make that part of you shine brighter than anyone. Who cares if you stutter, you got people’s attention baby! Congrats!
If you really want to cure your stutter I would suggest seeing a speech therapist. Don’t ever GOOGLE “how to cure stutter?” or “ways to treat stuttering efficiently” because honey, it doesn’t help, at least not in the long run.
Do what you love and live the life that you want. So that, when you had designed your life and you’re finally going to rest for eternity, you’ll be thankful of your achievements
Have a great day! *wink*